SUNDAY IS FUN DAY (Special)
I have never thought I was much of a control freak. I have always bragged about being able to go with the flow. Sometimes the flow was more like a tsunami or a toilet flush, but I adjusted. Yesterday, though, I was exposed as the control FOOL that I really am.
At about 5 p.m. I was finishing up a project that had taken me about three days and approximately 14 hours to complete. It is a proposal to a literary agent, complete with query, sample chapters, etc. etc. To writers, creating the query letter and the proposal are sometimes harder to do than writing the entire book. Whether you get through to a publisher hangs on that initial letter, or at least that is what is preached to us. Frankly, for a long time, now, I have announced that I knew that God is in charge of my life so I was aloof when I wrote things, not too concerned about whether they were accepted or rejected.
Yesterday showed me that I am not the detached spiritual aspirant that I thought I was. I was finishing up the last edit of the material I was going to print and send when suddenly the current went off. In India this is a common occurrence, so I didn't even blink. I knew the computer had about 10 more minutes on battery and I was literally only seconds away from being finished. In semi darkness, not looking at the keyboard, which I rarely do having been properly taught by my high-school typing teacher decades ago, I pressed Control Save, to keep the material in the perfect shape I'd finally achieved. It was with a sense of pride and joy that I completed my three days of work.
Then, all of a sudden, I saw the screen go blank! Everything was deleted! What was happening? Then the computer signaled that I had only a few seconds to shut it down and exit since the electricity had not come on yet. With a huge sigh of frustration, I did that. Waiting for the lights to come back on I managed to call my computer technician and he said not to worry, the "lost" material would be able to be restored somehow.
Before long, the electricity was back on and I was madly searching the Recycle Bin and every other place on the Mother Board for my file, "Submission Details". After 29 minutes of mounting frustration, I knew the sad truth. The material was vaporized!
Even the help of the computer genius could not restore the document. The only submission detail to be noted was me—in a state of complete powerlessness. I stared and stared and stared at the keyboard. Then I saw what might have happened in the quasi darkness. I timidly asked the fellow, more than half my age: What happens if you accidentally hit Control Z instead of Control S? He said, with the serenity of detachment, "Everything gets undone." My heart thumped madly. I felt faint.
It was of no comfort, whatsoever, that he and I realized simultaneously what had happened. In fact, I felt humiliated and more powerless than ever.
I did rant at the stupidity of a system that allows you to UNDO what you've done without any backup warning, such as asking, DO YOU WANT TO UNDO THIS? You know, the way you are asked if you really want to delete something into the Recycle Bin! But my ranting only elicited smiles of sympathy, (or were they smiles of glee?) from the handsome young man.
When he zoomed off on his brand new motorcycle I came to my grandmotherly senses. Why did I imagine, once again, that I was in control of anything in my life? I had forgotten what I'd struggled for years to integrate into my conscious awareness, God is the only Cause and the only Effect.
With much humility I bowed my head remembering once again that it is better to go with the flow, not with my cement will. Obviously, the query and the proposal letter were just not meant to be sent out as they were.
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